April First
by Jo31891
Summary: Kurt's Navigator has been defaced, defiled, and deformed in some weird form of an April Fool's prank. And there is no one to blame but his warped friends and his goofy boyfriend. Slash, Pummel


**April First**

"Oh…my…Gaga…"

Kurt felt the keys drop from his trembling hands. His large eyes widened and turned a watery blue. He didn't know what to do first, scream or cry. Kurt edged closer to examine the damage, curses and tears welling up together. He hadn't seen anything this horrible since Mercedes had thrown an ever loving rock through the windshield of his love Navigator! Now…now…now his baby had been completely defaced and defiled!

It was a mix of yellow, blue, green, and pink. It was waxy – THANK MCQUEEN – instead of paint. They were words, names really, written in various styles, shapes and sizes. There were doodles of hearts, stars, and dolphins everywhere. But as he examined them, he noticed the care taken to place all the words on the edges of the front windshield and front car windows. The rear windows were completely covered.

_**Lady Face**_

_** Baby Gay**_

_** Porcelain **_

_** Fancy**_

_** White Boy**_

_** Lady Lips**_

_** Mini Ninja**_

_** Lady Fabulous**_

_** Happy Happy Unicorn**_

_** Glinda**_

_** Gay Shark**_

_** A-dork-able **_

_** Lady Winchester**_

_** Best Bro**_

Kurt stopped before the last slur written on the read left window. The style was terribly familiar and rather inappropriate for vulgar attacks against his person. Hell, most of them lacked the sting they were supposed hold. Rather, they reminded him of his teammates.

Noticing the words also bordering the back windshield, Kurt circled to the back of his Navigator. Boxing in his back glass were signatures, all in styles similar to each of the slurs on the other windows.

_**Quinnie**_

_** Q.S.A GUY**_

_** Wheels**_

_** Aunt Tana**_

_** Beyonce**_

_** Original Asian**_

_** Britt**_

_** (Big Yellow Star)**_

_** Finny**_

_** Half-a-Winchester**_

_** Mr. Bowtie**_

_** Puckster**_

By the end of the box of signatures, Kurt was holding his stomach, trying to keep himself from falling to the ground from laughter. This mess of a prank was obviously the reason Finn had chosen to snag a ride with Rachel to school that morning.

Giggling, Kurt went back to the front of the driveway to retrieve his car keys. His friends had left enough window spaces so he could safely drive and keep the graffiti that was his car. Kurt Unlocked the driver door and tossed his Gucci bag across to the passenger seat before carefully climbing in. He placed the key in the ignition and twisted, listening to his baby purr happily from the attention. Kurt pulled his seatbelt on before reaching for the shift. He looked up to his rear-view mirror and found pink crayon.

_**(heart) Princess**_

The writing was small and neat, though barely fitting into the space of the mirror. It was certainly neater than usual but the handwriting was terribly familiar. Kurt smiled as his cheeks flushed a soft pink. Kurt wiggled in his seat, retrieving his iPhone from the pocket of his skinny jeans. He typed out a quick message before sending, smiling.

"TEXT MESSAGE!"

Kurt yelped when a loud, shrill voice howled from his back seat, followed by muffled curses and something smacking the back of his seat.

"Babe?" Kurt called, quickly unbuckling so he could twist around to check on his – rather unexpected – guest. He peeked over the back of his seat to see the young man wedged between the front seats and the back, hip against the rise in the floor. "You okay, Caveman?"

"Hit muh head." the other grunted, reaching a hand to rub the sore spot on his forehead.

"That's what you get for hiding in the backseats of cars."

"And that's why I have a Princess to kiss it better, yeah?"

"Well then, get your mohawked head up here."

Kurt was greeted by a bright, full mouthed smile that made his heart race. He laughed as the other wormed about until his head was high enough for the other to reach.

"You goof ball." Kurt said before planting a kiss on Puck's brow. "How on earth did you get in here anyway?"

"Snuck your keys while you were sleeping. Been out here since five." Puck said as he climbed between the front seats and maneuvered his way into the passenger seat. He placed the Gucci bag in the back. He then leaned over the middle cubby and planted a noisy lipped kiss on Kurt. "Hey."

"Hi."

"April Fools."

"I see."

"You like it?"

"When did you do it?"

"Five this morning."

"Everyone?"

"Everyone."

"You are amazing."

"No, I'm badass."

"Well, badass, I would watch out."

"Why? You got something planned?"

"I dunno. I will say, however, that you should be wary of shampoo."

"Shampoo?"

"Shampoo."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You do that."

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: I Own Nothing. Glee © Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian Brennan and FOX<strong>

So yeah, my girls and I totally did that all day April 1st this year. We attacked four cars, including mine. One, we wrote his last name and various insults and phrases associated with him all over his windows. In Crayola Window Crayons. They are awesome. Try it. Comes of cleaner than window paint.

So, signatures. Some are obvious but I'll give them to you anyway.

_**Quinnie – **_Quinn (obvious)

_** Q.S.A GUY – **_Quiet Skinny Asian Guy – Mike (he calls himself this at some point)

_** Wheels**_ – Artie (obvious)

_** Aunt Tana**_ – Santana (obvious)

_** Beyonce**_ – Mercedes (again, obvious)

_** Original Asian**_ – Tina (I couldn't think of anything else)

_** Britt**_ – Brittney (obvious)

_** (Big Yellow Star)**_ – Rachel (terribly obvious)

_** Finny**_ – If you don't know, I'm ashamed…

_** Half-a-Winchester**__ – _Sam (This is taken from a story in the works where Sam and Kurt are big Supernatural nerds together)

_** Mr. Bowtie**_ – Blaine (I call him this)

_** Puckster**_ - Again, ashamed…(I like calling him Caveman too)

Also, **A-dork-able, **and **Lady Winchester** are mine. Sam is even more a-dork-able.

Please review and let me know what you think. If you have any ideas or suggestions or songs to request, let me know and I'll see what I can do. Feel free to look at the other stuff I have too.

Jo Manta


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